Writem Off?!

Psalm 139:13-14
13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.


Maybe this will be one of those blogs that come across as mean and harsh, my tone right now is anything but.......I am speaking from the heart, a heart that is heavy with grief and struggling. Maybe through this rant, those of you with prying eyes will have a heart that can relate.
I have had my fair share of heartaches here lately. Is that what life is about?? Really? Do I really have to learn my lessons with my heart broken? I pride myself in being a very passionate person...I was always told growing up I was too "dramatic" it was always such a negative thing that I learned to try and bottle up, ultimately who i am. As life has gone on, I have found I can no longer internalize my dramatics and still be called a passionate person. I have risked a lot here recently with being so passionate and open with how I feel about things. And its changed my life and the life of those close to me. When I asked someone close to me if I was too dramatic, the answer that followed was both healing and empowering...."the world would be a very boring place with out dramatic people." Healing, empowering and freeing. With just that statement i became comfortable in my skin for the first time. I feel free to create, free to speak, feel, free to express and think. I do think there is a down side, I spoke my mind and heart freely, sometimes in anger, that now has cost me a relationship and my daughter a relationship. do I regret my dramatic tirade......good question, that is the answer that needs some more soul searching.....i certainly regret the outcome, that the person I expressed my feeling towards didn't take into account who i am and what i was feeling. I made my self very vulnerable to a friend that was my very best friend in the whole world, someone that I thought totally understood me and everything I am......in the end I feel nothing but used by this person, I spoke my heart and mind only in the end to be rejected and left with the feeling of helplessness. So, do i regret opening myself up to this friend even though it has caused me great heartache and put other relationships on the line........I don't know, again more soul searching. With both these instances, I said what meant and meant what I said at the expense of hurt. I know me, obviously I don't know these other two people, do I write them off? I cant tell them what I am thinking and feeling anymore cause in the past I have and where has it gotten me, angry frustrated and hurt. Denying who i am, stuffing down the passionate side of me again to appease certain people may rob me of who I am now, someone who I am happy with ultimately. I am angry with these people who I feel are trying to put me back in a passionless box. When I think on everything that I have gained by expressing who I am I'm not sure I am willing to sacrifice that for the small few.