a moment of Selah....

"It's not comfortable being real. It's really just not fun acknowledging that there is nothing, nothing good inside of me, in my flesh. If it were not for God, I am beyond help."

I have been working on this word...Selah, in the scripture it takes on lots of different meanings....from a pause in music..to a moment of stillness. I very rarely have a moment of stillness in my life at the moment, both outwardly and inwardly. Sometimes I think Christ has a way of overwhelming my thoughts, my soul and my day as a way for me to shut down from over load so that he can bring me to my knees. Sadly, as of lately, I haven't been on my knees, or on my face for that matter. My life at the moment is at such a crossroads...sometimes I lean in the wrong direction, I seek advice, love and acceptance from the wrong places. The end result is a bruised and batter Jesus, who i can see in the distance with his hands in the air, as if to say, "jilly what about me, i know you inside and out?" I NEED to discover the me that Christ wants me to be, i think only then will I find who I truly am in my everyday life but especially during the crossroad times.

Today my sweet girl finished her level 1 swim class. For weeks I have been thinking back to when I very first started my swim lessons. I can remember how horrified I was and how untrusting I was. I can also remember how impatient my mom was, God bless her though. I knew that for Lydia I wanted to be a calm but strong voice of comfort to her. I want her to know that she can do all things through Christ. We would have prayer before every class thanking God for healthy bodies that allow us to swim and for patience and bravery. Its a great feeling that on our drives home from swim lessons, she would say mommy God made me brave and strong today......
At the end of my day, everyday, I want to know that I trusted solely on my savior, nobody else. I want nothing more than to be able to put my face to the floor and say, "Heavenly Father, you made me brave and strong today"